Atlas Grey here with an Obgnoxious News Extra
Look! On the side of the road. It’s a canine, It’s a genius, It’s lost or, perhaps its found its own answer. Able to elude the Atlantic City Expressway Authority, the NJ State Police, random Good Samaritans and Atlantic County Animal Control; No one is a match for the incredible, gigantic white Expressway Dog!
He calls his home where the Parkway meets the Expressway just outside a three dollar toll - so that anyone trying to “rescue” him will pay a minimum of 12 dollars per failed attempt. Dozens of miles of highway, jug handles, rest stops and fuel prices all shield the great white expressway dog from capture as his happy pink tongue mocks the frustrated yet well intentioned, U-turning motorists from the other side of a concrete divider. He’s large, he’s fast, he 's bolting through the woods faster than a speeding bullet as soon as you become a pedestrian. Expressing his rights and inspiring minds, the elusive white ghost, Expressway Dog.
Expressway Dog gallivants ever so nonchalantly and yet alarmingly close to the side of the highway near an entrance ramp. He commands attention from drivers and passengers with his collar and dog tag. But he’s not stupid enough to cross, nor is he lost or mastered by any mere mortal. No, Expressway Dog has things figured out quite precisely. Food and water are served upon him daily, the offerings of well meaning fools trying to get close to four legged master of geometry. But he enters no traps, counters only with hunger strike should you set one. He’s a master of minds and men, rumored to be many things - From advanced occult magician, to majority shareholder of EZ-pass or Exxon/Mobil, his legend grows inversely in proportion to the masses of shrinking fortunes and patience of animal lovers in South Jersey. To possess or come near the mysterious expressway dog, you have to extrapolate his methods, art and craft. Out in the open and yet hidden from view, the cunning puppeteer who is, the fantastic, ultra clever, lightning white expressway dog.
Leave your Global Positioning Devices and fancy Google Maps behind folks. No gadget can pinpoint the location of the wind, nor shall magic gizmos aide one in outsmarting the amazing X.W.D. Approaching expressway dog from another geographic angle, you may at first think your GPS is helping you should you notice what looks like a neighborhood on the other side of the enchanted woods inhabited by the expressway dog. Upon arrival however, you will once again learn you are pathetically light years behind the great white expressway dog who picks his location as if practicing an art form. The small forest he roams backs up only to a desolate industrial complex, complete with barbed wire fencing in a shitty section of Pleasantville. Residing in a place where gentle souls dare not exit the car, he will not be taken alive. No one and nothing shall call itself his master nor cage his soul. The wild and free wolf spirit expertly excommunicating himself from society’s psychotic and deluded expectations and explanations of his life and reality, inspires those passing by, whether their head is in or outside the Overton Window.
If he can do it, perhaps we can too, excuses be damned. The mystical prophet experimenting freely until his expiration date, leading by example, finding a way to freedom in a story with no known universal exposition. Executing his plan, expanding minds exponentially, excelling where others have failed. The exulted, the exquisite the excellent and always exciting K9 who leaves his excrement explicitly where and when he chooses. Exchanging wisdom, technique and experience for dog biscuits will be…
Reporting just-out-side Atlantic City on the in-skirts of madness,
between the Black Horse & the White Horse -Pike, dodging the pale horse...
Until next time friends; Stay tuned for another obgnostic existential exclusive
express delivery detailing
The Great Adventures of…